mytwothousandnine

I’m ready to make 2009 my bitch.

In fact, I’m so ready that I started all of my New Year’s resolutions two weeks ago.  I figured I could use the extra time to fall flat on my face and then dust myself off before the real thing rolls around in January.

And it’s a good thing I did because I’ve spent the last half of December arranging dates with strangers over the Internet and running three miles at a time.  I also spray painted a dozen mousetraps on my porch and read three hundred pages of a textbook about filing patents. 

In other words, I kind of cracked up – especially when you consider that none of that really worked out too well.

But I”ll try it again.  And I’ll tell you this: come January 1, I’ll know better than to date someone with only one user picture posted on eHarmony.  And I won’t  make the mistake of choosing the treadmill next to the middle-aged man who bursts into spontaneous song during his workout.  And perhaps most importantly, I’ll remember to check the nozzle on the spray paint can so that I can avoid coating my own face with Flat Beige 100.

Having the advantage of a 2008 dress rehearsal, I’m confident that these things will work in the new year. 

And if I’m unsuccessful, then I’ll really crack up.