For the second time in as many weeks, someone I was possibly going to go on a date with canceled because he thinks he may have broken his ankle.
Two different people. Two different ankles.
Either I’m attracted to klutzes, or broken bones are the new “It’s not you, it’s me.”
Filed under: dating | Tags: communication, LOST, Miles Straume, secret admirer, tulips, valentines day
This past week’s episode of LOST was all about Miles Straume.
First of all, the actor who plays Miles is adorable.
Second – and perhaps more importantly – you may remember back in February that someone sent me a bouquet of tulips and signed the card with only that character’s name. And since I never found out who the real-life Miles Straume is, I’d like to remind him – whoever he is – that the episode was all about the importance of communication.
Miles learned a lesson last week. Will you?
Filed under: dating
The easiest way to save $100 in this economy?
Don’t listen to this nonsense. Skip the online dating and meet people in real life.
I’m fairly confident the results will be similar.
And as an aside, I like how eHarmony is claiming that there’s some correlation between the economy and their increase in registrants. Because, you know, that 20% jump can’t be attributed to anything else – like say, their $93 million advertising budget.
After an intense online scavenger hunt failed to reveal a general eHarmony customer service email address, I settled for sending my request to remove my profile to their “Success Stories” account. I realize that writing to an obviously incorrect address is somewhat idiotic – but on some level, I really enjoyed doing it because I want eHarmony employees to know how it feels to get a completely off-base e-mail from a total moron making unreasonable demands. Its frustrating, and thanks to your site, I lived it for the better part of three months.
I was prepared for an auto-response. I was prepared for them to say something about the user agreement allowing them to post my profile in 37 different languages if they so decided. I was even prepared for them to offer me 3 months of free service.
But I was not prepared for them to actually grant my request – even if by pure accident.
“Dear Nova,
We are sopleased to hear that you have met someone special and would like to congratulate you on your wonderful news. eHarmony was created to help people find a special lifelong relationship, and we have a tremendous sense of joy when we hear from another successful couple. Each and every story is meaningful to us. Whether you are dating, engaged or married we would love to hear your success story!
…
Please also note that I do see that your account was expired and your matching is turned off. Many of our happy couples choose to leave their accounts in an expired status so that they can review their partner’s profile for their memories or to show the process to family and friends. However, when your account is expired, it will still be possible for previous matches to try and contact you. Therefore, please rest assured that I have completely closed your expired account and you will no longer receive these messages.”
I don’t care if they count me as a success story. And I don’t care if they missed the point of my message. I’m just happy to be cleared from their web.
And since former users have told me that it’s next to impossible to truly delete your account – let this be a lesson to you.
When you can’t make it, fake it.
Filed under: dating | Tags: eHarmony, entrepreneur, INTP, misspelling, online dating
eHarmony just won’t quit. Despite my membership expiring earlier this month, people are still attempting to send me really asinine multiple choice questions in an apparent effort to get to know me.
So I logged in today to write to their customer service team and complain. And while I was doing that, I realized I could still see the profiles of those people who are contacting me – and they are true gems!
Like Arnold, 31 from Flushing. It’s no surprise to me that he lists his occupation as ”executive, entrepreneur and inventor.” And I’m not too concerned that he claims to be most passionate about “The welfare and education of children and the advancement of human knowledge.” I’m just a little shocked that he spelled it all correctly.
Just when I was about to give Arnold credit for at least appearing to have his shit a little bit together, he had to share the following information as a supplement to the standard profile: “I’m an INTP (Google it =] )”
Oh, I did.
And coincidentally I just remembered why I quit eHarmony before my membership expired.
Anyway. We’ll see what the customer service team has to say. At the very least, I hope they answer my question about what the heck they have against spell check.
Filed under: dating | Tags: advertisements, chemistry.com, dating, Daylight Savings Time, eHarmony, online dating, Spring Into Trouble 2009
I don’t anticipate trying another online dating service any time soon.
But just in case I ever mention that I’m thinking about it, I want you to remind me that Chemistry.com should not be in the running as my service provider because they recently sent me the following advertisement and obviously cannot be trusted:
OK, couple things:
- You’ll notice that I have three different search toolbars on my homepage. Someone help me.
- That man looks certifiable.
- Are we that hard up for marketing ploys that we now have to celebrate the return of daylight savings time with special promotional offers?
Besides – they’re so late to the game. It’s Spring Into Trouble 2009, and I wish I could get a hold of their mailing list and invite people to join me.
That would be something to spring about.
Filed under: dating | Tags: canned corn, dating, eHarmony, Out & Back Run, practical jokes, running
During a training session yesterday for Physical Fitness Rampage, my co-worker asked me what I was going to blog about now that I broke up with eHarmony.
“Plenty of stuff,” I told him.
“Like what?” he asked.
“I have things!” I insisted, and I tried to use the example of the day before when we played a practical joke on a third co-worker and poured canned corn into his coffee, but that didn’t seem to resonate.
“The corn? Tell me you didn’t blog about that,” he said.
Obviously, I just did. And even though I blatantly disregarded his advice not to, I’ll admit he has a point: making fun of people on eHarmony comprised roughly 33% of this blog – and quite frankly, the funniest 33%. Without it, I just don’t know.
So I’m going to take the next week or so to figure out how I’m going to replace the content. And something tells me I’m not going to be able to expand on mousetraps and running to make them all that funny – though I did have to hop over a wayward Shih Tzu on my way home from a run in Central Park this afternoon and I imagine that was nearly as comical as the time I was on the 11 o’clock news for jumping over someone who fell in front of me during the 2007 Out & Back Run.
See? I have things.
After I finished last night’s post about my decision to end my eHarmony membership ahead of schedule, I ceremoniously hit the “Cancel Membership” button on my account settings page.
Of course, then I had to click it at least four more times, answer a 10-question survey about my membership and read a handful of mildly accusatory messages from the powers that be at eHarmony who seem to think I just didn’t try hard enough. (It’s a fair point, but they don’t know that).
On the final screen, they gave me 200 words to explain why I was dissatisfied with my experience. I stole a line from my ex-boyfriend and wrote, “The other users are unlovable.”
After a message like that, I would have thought they would be glad to see me go. So imagine my surprise when a fresh batch of matches arrived in my inbox this morning.
As it turns out, if I really wanted to stop getting matches (and receiving second messages from the likes of “Noam, 35 – enterprener” even though I blatantly disregarded the first), I actually had to refresh my account settings after I hit ”Cancel Membership” and then hit “Close Account” – at which point Dr. Warren would remind me that only 1 out of 4 American marriages are happy and eHarmony is presumably responsible for nearly all of the successful ones.
In any case, I hit Close Account on the double tonight.
And I’m half expecting Dr. Warren himself to set up a giant flaming hoop outside my front door for me to jump through tomorrow morning.
You gotta want it, no?
